Government Announces Major Cause of Aviation Accidents

 

INSIDE THE BELTWAY. The National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) announced, on April 1, the results of a comprehensive study of aviation safety and related accidents. This study broke new ground in its analysis of aviation accident statistics, drawing on the vast resources of the NTSB including the expertise of government officials and years of archival data.

 

After careful analysis the NTSB has concluded that over 73% of all aviation accidents are caused by gravity.

 

In an unprecedented move to improve flight safety, the NTSB will recommend to the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) that gravity be outlawed under the Federal Aviation Regulations (FAR’s).

 

Responding to the NTSB study, a high ranking FAA official said, “After review of the NTSB research, we have not been able to conclusively concur with its findings. We feel additional consideration is necessary to firmly establish the direction of down as it relates to gravity.” When asked to respond to the NTSB proposal to ban gravity, this same official said, “Banning gravity is a major move; one that could cause adverse consequences throughout the aviation industry. For example, what would happen to skydivers? This official went on to explain that, “We have data that indicates that an aircraft can be supported solely by the ego of the pilot.”

 

In a related study, a national known “Think Tank” has reported that their study of gravity indicates that “gravity does work.” Due to the methodology of this study, many government officials doubt the validity of its findings. One high ranking administration official said, “The idea of using actual flight testing and real world data to establish a base line for government policy is absurd.”

 

As this debate continues, the FAA is posed to issue a press release admitting the possibility of gravity’s involvement in some aircraft crashes and reminding pilots to keep abreast of the developing research.